Excerpt from The Distracted Yogi:

Each week (or so) c'mon back here & get some free reading from my book, The Distracted Yogi: How I reclaimed my BLISS After Brain Injury & Trauma.

On the subject of Trauma...below are a few paragraphs from my book. 

From: Part II, Confessions Of An Abuser-Chapter V-The Distracted Yogi:

The Customer Service Wars, A Continuing Saga.

It was with this backdrop of grief, frustration and discontentment that my attitude took on ever increasingly dark and bleak outlook.  I’d often think about how horrible my life predicament was, and note that I would never have to remain somewhere I didn't want to be. I’d always been free to pack up and leave whenever I chose to, but not now, I was firmly stuck in what felt like a cavernous sized rut.

It’s comical now, and with a sense of irony that only hindsight can bring, to reflect back on all the ongoing simultaneous product and service difficulties I was dealing with that appeared to spring up endlessly during that time. I could not then, it seemed, be capable of purchasing anything that didn't eventually turn out to be defective or outright broken.

These Customer Service Wars manifested as constant daily battles between me and the many customer service contact persons of their respective corporations. Mostly, these companies were giant conglomerates, which only served to feed my already enormous sense of feeling persecuted and hard done by. I had become an extreme victim of sorts; the world was out to get me. Under these circumstances, my feelings of anger, and what were by now an infinite number of resentments simply continued to multiply. 

A Very Close Call

I’d be reminded daily of the parallels to my experience in recent times with the legal system. To me it was the same old same old, how had I gotten myself into such a horrid mess? I’d spent my days raging at the world, and my nights crying while shaking my fists at the same cruel world. I’d become hopeless.

This was a dark and miserable period in my life that nearly did kill me. I’d honestly thought I wasn't going to get through it. This awful cloud, that followed me everywhere and blanketed my every thought with darkness, came to a dramatic conclusion of sorts one day, while I was driving into town to see my family doctor.

The route into town was a 10 minute scenic drive complete with spectacular views of the rolling hills of ponderosa pine punctuated by areas of grassland range. It should have been beauty to the eye of any beholder but not to me, not then. It was with tears streaming down my face, as I approached a sharp corner that bent hard to the left, where I considered the idea of just driving off the edge. It would be quick, I imagined then.

I just barely stopped myself from going through with the hastily conceived plan, because I reasoned that if I died, Debbie would get everything, and that my friends and family and my beloved little cats would get nothing.  It was too much for me to bear, so I chose instead, to continue to live. This was the second time in my life where resentments actually kept me alive. 

This week the subject was trauma, a theme common to my life after I sustained a brain injury in 2002. I'll be posting more excerpts each week or so...please leave a comment because your opinion counts here;)

Michelle xo